UPDATE: 'Mine' Is a Dud

As one of the chosen initial elite 31,000 subscribers to Mine magazine, the experimental personalized online periodical from Time, Inc., bankrolled by Toyota (see my "TUOL" post 5/27/09), I received my inaugural 36-page issue today. Unfortunately, as with many promising relationships, it turned ugly in a hurry and I was soon shouting at my hi-def monitor: "You don't know me at all!"
Things started awkwardly with the back cover (I always read magazines from back to front, right to left, a habit I developed in Hebrew School), which featured a Lexus ad for the snazzy 2010RX. The copy said: "The all-new 2010RX now with more [my name]," which made me feel optional, like extra cupholders or a tinted windshield.
As I noted in my blog on May 27, Mine attempted to get at the very essence of me through a series of probing questions about personal preferences, ranging from sushi or pizza, to whether I wanted to dine with Socrates or Leonardo DaVinci (the latter, because he was better-heeled and more likely to pick up the tab). Imagaine my disappointment when the results of this inquiry led to the following articles in the premiere issue:

1. How to Look Out an Airplane Window
2. Cover This (an article about tents)
3. South Africa's Beautiful Wine Country
4. 10 Tips to Get Kids Moving (promoting exercise)
5. Tibetan Idol (profiling the Dalai Lama's possible successor)
6. Solar Power
7. Jeans by Me (about women's designer jeans)
8. Profile of Fashion Designer Marc Jacobs
9. Turning an Unfinished Basement into an Entertainment Center; and
10. Keep Your Next Egg Safe from Uncle Sam.

Are you kidding me? If Mine really understood me, it would know that I always sit in the aisle seat on airplanes, because I thoughtfully defer to my spouse, who likes the window seat, and more important, because I am acrophobic. No one is less likely to pitch a tent than I, who considers a hotel room without cable tv and a nearby ice machine "roughing it." The only reason I glanced at "Tibetan Idol" is that I thought Simon Cowell was expanding his musical taste and searching for the next Monk (that was for you, jazz bloggers). I never heard of Marc Jacobs and the only women's designer jeans I've ever tried to get into, er... never mind.

I'm patient and still have 4 free issues remaining in my subscription. Be forewarned, Mine--if the next issue doesn't have any articles about the 3 Stooges, hardboiled detective novels, and how to retire without a nest egg, I'm dumping it.